Why manage?  How to manage?  Wisdom to manage.
            Anger is a natural emotion and is a basic survival tool. This anger must be recognized and expressed appropriately for our well being. It turns out to be a harmful weapon in the hands of one who cannot manage anger positively in everyday living.
            Taking a few simple steps and consciously working on them can help you to grow and interact with others as a healthy human being.

 1.       The key is to recognize anger and identify its signs. Recognizing anger and expressing it with due respect to yourself and others is the best way of anger management. Clearly articulating your feelings and your needs at the time of anger is essential. It is not easy to articulate your feelings in the beginning, but with a conscious effort it can be achieved slowly and steadily. When angry feelings are turned inward, they have the power to kill relationships and your emotional health. Healthy relationships are difficult with angry people who cannot recognize what or who makes them angry and why. Such a person develops the tendency to get at people and responds to situations indirectly with a hostile and cynical attitude. So the first step to dealing with your anger is to recognize and accept in yourself the signs of anger. Signs of anger can be voice volume, muscle tension, rapid breathing, withdrawal and other such emotional symptoms.

 2.       Irrational beliefs that we cherish and hold on to, can be harmful and are opposed to solution- oriented reflection. Some common irrational beliefs are: “My fight is with the enemy out there,” “Others and circumstances are responsible for my anger,” “I don’t have an ideal marriage, My spouse happens to be my enemy.” Cognitive re-structuring  will give you new statements to replace such and other irrational beliefs. Some examples are: “It is alright for me to express my anger to others in appropriate and respectful ways.”  “It is alright for others  to express their anger to me in appropriate and respectful ways.”  “There is no ideal marriage. I will  find a workable relationship with my spouse as a mate, suitable for my situation.” Any one who lives on edge in relationships will always be angry. Such people have to be constantly reminded that getting angry will not fix anything – any person, any relationship or any situation.

 3.       There are ways to deal with anger once you realize it can go out of control. Engaging in the following activities can calm surging emotions and re-direct your thoughts. Physical activity, drawing, writing, going for a walk, taking a shower are examples of different immediate helpful activities.  Active listening coupled with assertive communication directed to the source of anger is a better way to manage anger. Relaxation therapy with visual imagery is also very helpful. Sit comfortably in a chair with your back straight and feet resting on the floor. Close your eyes and breathe deeply, pushing the diaphragm as far down as possible. Feel the breath when breathing in and breathing out. Visualize that the body relaxes from the foot to the head and feel the relaxation all over the body with normal breathing. This is a simple and brief relaxation technique to use when you get upset.

 4.       Using good judgment on when to pursue and when to walk away from a situation is very helpful to manage anger. Many people fear confrontation and therefore find “disengagement” as an easy way out. Disengagement is good as long as it is used to diffuse a potential crisis, but it is detrimental as a long term solution. Taking a step back gives you time to figure out what you are feeling at the time of anger, and acknowledge it. Then you will have the strength to express it appropriately and constructively without pre-conceptions and misunderstandings which can jeopardize your relationships. A very common reaction to criticism is to be defensive. Instead of fighting back, try to listen to the underlying message. There may be something there that you did not hear before. At any cost keeping cool during any situation is the best way of anger management.

 5.       Spiritual wisdom and the application of it, is found extremely useful in anger management. As Thomas a Kempis says   “When anger enters the mind, wisdom departs.” Spiritual application relies upon the power of “forgiveness.” When we apply the power of forgiveness, anger departs and wisdom sets in. Forgiveness is a divine quality. When we “act” with the power of  forgiveness with out “reacting” to the situation, we can keep our cool even in catastrophic times.

 6. Anger which is not managed effectively is negative and can be infectious. For example, associating with bitter, negative and angry people who refuse to change their thinking and thereby their behavior, can also make you an angry and bitter person. Changing one’s destructive behavior is essential to anger management.

 7.When you feel or someone else points out to you that your anger is out of control, and you cannot manage yourself, seek help. Examine your belief system. What do you say to yourself, to a friend or to a therapist? Try not to justify your anger, so that you can continue to be angry at people and the world you live in.  Decide that you will not let your anger shape your life, but honestly examine your “self-talk” and lower the level of demands you put on others, especially relationships, and the situations that made you angry. Avoid ‘should’ or ‘shouldn’t,’ instead, change the demands to ‘wish.’ E.g. “I wish you would be here” instead of “You should be here.” “I wish it wouldn’t rain today” instead of “It shouldn’t rain today.” You will be amazed at your ability to manage your anger, and find positive ways in order to make your life worth living.

                    Wisdom from Scripture

                 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
                 do not fret-it leads only to evil.    - Psalms 37:8
                                                      

                 Harsh words stir up anger – Proverbs 15:1
 

  Do not make friends with a hot-tempered
  man, do not associate with one easily angered. or you may learn his ways
  and get yourself ensnared –         Proverbs 22:24-25     
                                          

Anger is cruel and fury overwhelming –    Proverbs 27:4

                   Wise men turn away anger –     Proverbs 29:11

   Stirring up anger produces strife –     Proverbs 30:33

                      Anger resides in the lap of fools –   Ecclesiastes 7:9
 In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry –Eph 4:26

Get rid of bitter rage and anger – Eph 4:31

 You must rid yourself of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips –  Colossians 3:8
Man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires - James 1:20

                                       TOP