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Affair proof Your Marriage
Falling in love is an exciting experience. It is a
spontaneous response to the person you see. This feeling
is real, and you are willing to sacrifice anything to be
with that person. Finally you have found the right
person for the right reason on the right time.
Everything is “right,” nothing is “wrong.” This
emotional upheaval just happens and you are swept by it.
You did not work for it, nor did you try to enhance it.
It is as spontaneous as it can be. Any couple can say
that it is true.
What happens after a few days or weeks, or months or
years? The falling in love experience which swept you
off of your feet, is at a very low ebb, or slowly dying.
In your daily grind, anger flares, words fly, feelings
are hurt, and you sit there and ask the question “Is he
or she is the right person I married?” You did not make
a vow “we will be together as long as we love”, but you
said, “as long as we live.” Even if you have not made
any vow as such, you have committed yourself to a deeper
relationship. Now you are thinking and struggling and
longing to get out of this relationship, and start again
to catch that “falling in love experience” once again.
Now
you say to yourself “It cannot not happen with my
spouse, I have no feelings for her or him anymore, so I
will look outside the marriage.” If this is the decision
that you made, there is no love left in your marriage at
all. The marriage becomes a battle ground. Your feelings
have dried up.
If you believe that marriage is meant to last, the
person you met, fell in love with and married is the
“right person”. You have to learn to love that person
and resolve the conflict that happen as you move along.
Your friends or neighbors cannot make such a decision
for you. Do not justify your action saying “someone out
there will make my life happy, as this relationship does
not work.” You haven’t tried to work on your
relationship yet. You can have “the falling in love”
experience over and over again for a life time within
your marriage if you say to yourself and believe that is
what you want. You can live a love life within your
marriage and make your marriage “affair proof,” if you
want to. It is a really possible if you set your mind to
it. When temptations come to seek love life elsewhere to
fill your void, fight the temptation, avoid the
situations that tempt you and stand firm. It is left to
you- for your physical and emotional health, and your
family's emotional and physical health. In the long run,
you will reap the benefit of your right decision.
Even before you tie the knot or exchange rings, say to
yourself that marriage is a partnership for life
supported by you, your family, your moral and religious
values, if those are important to you. Even if these
values are not important to you, you as a man or woman
can rise above, and say to yourself "I mean what I
say in my vow." This thought has
to "invade" your mind, so that you can fight it when you
are attracted to someone else. Time and again you will
be tempted to justify your actions convincing yourself
and others that what you are going to do is the only
option available to you in this situation. This may
sound out of date and not keeping up with the modern
trend. But you are the one who is affected. So you
decide. Marriage changes both the spouses, as they
begin to look at life and the future from their new
roles. Marriage is an unselfish relationship. It is an
exciting and rewarding experience for the spouses and
the children if you stick to it.
Talk
to a marriage counselor. You owe it to yourself and to
your partner to give a lasting chance to your marriage.
Call 212-737-3449 or email:
sensible@nyc.rr.com
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